![]() In the freezing cold and swirling snow, everyone is wrapped up toasty and warm. Then we are off to Iceland to pick up the second half. The first is to be found in Angkor Wat, where a bunch of orange-clad Cambodian monks are chuffed to meet Lara, despite the punishment she hands out to their national treasures - and she accepts a cup of soothing tea from them. The amulet is in two halves, inconveniently enough. She is undefeatably ranged against the bad guys: the creepy Illuminati cult, led by Glen, who want to steal a mystic amulet which, like, controls time - or something. The film doesn't have the game's weird echoing silences, and Angelina doesn't do cyber-Lara's cry when she dies: that ambiguous semi-orgasmic whimper. "So," says Lara, after some cool chit-chat, "you're a lawyer?" Perhaps Mr Powell's work is at the Commercial Bar, and so not very well known.īasically, the trick should be to make it look as if the game is based on the film, rather than the other way round. He introduces himself to her as "Manfred Powell QC". Iain Glen, playing the black-haired dastardly villain, is described to Lara, before they meet, as a "lawyer". Much of the film's grasp of our poor nation is more uncertain. Edith Evans would have been proud of her. ![]() But Lara does have a genuine English country house and a genuine English accent, which was very severely tested at one stage when Lady Lara, looking up through a telescope at the night sky in her private observatory, has to say: "Neptune is in alignment with Uranus." Angelina coyly made that last word "Yyyeeuh-ness". Lara does not appear to have friends in the conventional sense in fact she is Lara No-Mates, and in lieu of a social life, Lara whiles away her evenings doing bungee-ballet in her enormous hall. Tragically, her papa, played by real-life dad Jon Voight, died when she was eight, leaving her to a lonely life of raiding tombs and kicking mythical, monstrous ass. But she is actually Lady Lara Croft, the English daughter of the fabulously wealthy English adventurer Lord Richard Croft (have they checked these titles with Debrett's?). Technically she's supposed to be a "photojournalist": a brilliant job which sadly doesn't exist in real life. There's no disempowering cleavage, and in any case, the movie has to make it into the American PG-13 category, and our 12 certificate - which, in view of Lara, chief censor Andreas Whittam Smith has publicly pondered abolishing. Huge breasts monolithically immobile, as if encased in some new brand of hi-tech assault sports bra. Lips big and smouldering like a fire-damaged Dali sofa. Lara more or less flattens it!Īnyway, Lara Croft is the super-sexy Bondified heroine, and Angelina Jolie's formidable sexuality has been carefully packaged for the cyber-role made flesh. ![]() Incredibly, much of this film is set in Cambodia's Angkor Wat: that exquisite, magnificent wonder of the world. ![]() Lara goes in blasting with a couple of sleek automatic handguns she's only interested in tombs with mythical beasts lying in wait to protect their zillion-year-old treasures, and it's a rare old tomb that isn't reduced to rubble by the time Lara's through with it. Lara has no truck with the wussy business of whisking bits of dust away from inscriptions with brushes, and there's no nonsense about heritage preservation orders. Lara does not share Indiana Jones's occasional donnish bent. Lara is not a Tomb Studier, or a Tomb Analyser.
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